On entering the still-gleaming PAC on such a portentous evening of Thursday 17 June, the sense of expectation was palpable. This was, we sensed, a night when reputations, built up over many years (or in some cases decades) could be lost in one missed note, one mistimed jazz hand, one fell swoop of the skipping rope. Equally, could this be the night when new stars would be born, or perhaps aging stars resurrected with new brilliance?

The world music room became a refuge of Bacchanalian comfort, the serried ranks of teachers waiting nervously to face the scrutiny of hundreds of their students. As Alex Smith anxiously went through that chord sequence one more time, Katy Ricks practised her box step, and Paul Bassett warmed up his instrument, the eager buzz of anticipation from the assembling audience in the Pamoja Hall trickled through the (allegedly) sound-proofed doors.

To pick out highlights from a night of such Elysian delights is nigh on impossible, but I will attempt to do justice to an evening of staggering variety, camp entertainment, and high octane thrills. At a little after the appointed time, our host for the evening, Sébastien Coquelin took to the stage and dealt with student heckles with the air of a practiced and long-suffering school master. To cheers reminiscent of the bull-ring, he skilfully guided the audience from one item to the next, his jokes by turns hilarious and incomprehensible.

It seemed the musical talent of the Sevenoaks common room knew no bounds. A masterclass in professionalism and guitar wizardry by the grandfathers of rock, Tony Stuart and Nigel Connell, complete with mouth-organ and truly horrific Irish accents, was perfectly matched by the serene and melodious partnership of Ian Campbell and Caroline Dyer. Athleticism and sporting prowess were demonstrated by Kris Lewis and family; Phil de May and Peter Anderson just about kept up. Moments of real class were leant to the evening by Penny Hargreaves’ stunning singing and (for me a music highlight) Jon Drury’s absolutely remarkable ‘Leave the Songs to the Songwriters’. Other moments of sublime music were provided by a solo from Alex Smith that held the audience in total thrall, and the full splendour of the staff big band, with solos from Arabella Stuart and Ben Richards, who had earlier warmed up the audience with three pieces demonstrating his linguistic dexterity and trademark mischievousness.

Chris and Caroline Dyer, dubbed ‘the most famous couple in school’, enlightened us on the true provenance of Mr Bolton’s MBE in a duet that brought the house down, supported by photos of the great and the good of Sevenoaks School, from the reprobates of the IC (both staff and students) to the legendary Trevor, don of the Catering team. Mike Bolton suffered yet more ignominy in Jon Drury’s inspired rewriting of Lily Allen’s ‘The Fear’, while Modern Languages were further represented in a sultry dance from the Spanish department.

Perhaps, though, the take-home memory from the evening was the motley collection of famous faces in Sevenoaks School’s own electrifying tribute to Grease, featuring Jon Drury and Arabella Stuart in fine form as the leads backed by a choreographed routine that surely surpassed the energy, kitsch and feel-good charm of the original. Some images will live in my mind for months to come, and staff meetings will never quite be the same again.

The whole evening is testament to the talent (and bravery) of so many, but two stars made the whole thing possible: James Tate kept the show on the road with impressive technical support, while the entire event – which raised over £2500 for charity – was the brainchild of the amazing Tony Stuart, who cajoled, bribed and bullied us all into being part of what one student described as being ‘the funnest night this year’, and unarguably the best teacher talent show since the opening of the Performing Arts Centre.